Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Talk About Sporadic

Well, by now I am fairly positive that this blog has been left in the dust by any former readers I may have had.  And that's ok.  It's been interesting looking back on previous posts and seeing the person I used to be. Some of me is so very different, and yet, even through all the ups and downs I have experienced in this thing called life; I am still me.  I had a random dream a few nights ago that included someone I used to know back when this blog was in it's "heyday" (yes, the quotes are there on purpose).  That dream encouraged me to look through my past and try to see what I had written in regard to my life then.  There were no real surprises for me, but the reliving of some of the emotions I had then were very strong.

It is amusing how I may be living in a different place and know different people, yet feel so many of the same emotions (for lack of an acceptable synonym).  Part of me wonders at how seemingly minor decisions can make a person have regret.  Because, yes, I have those too.  The thing is that these do not pertain to me alone.  Everyone has some point in their life they wish to change or relive.  If ever there were a way to know what life would have been like, there would be no "what ifs".  And I, like everyone, have a number of "what ifs" in my closet.  And sometimes the "what ifs" are better than what the reality would have been.  People do like to look at the past through rose-colored glasses after all.  It seems to me that we need to do that to soften the blow of the pains we have previously experienced, and to trick our minds into believing that there could have been a different outcome than what would actually have been.

Even though I have these regrets for things now lost to me, I still hope.  And that is part of the beauty of being human.  When life throws us for a curve, we (for the most part) pick ourselves back up and trudge on.  There is an innate faith that even though things are rough, they will get better.  I have reached low points in my life, have fallen into a deep despair.  A lot of times, events around me are not in my control.  I simply have to deal with it.  And while the outcomes are not what I hope, I know that somehow it'll all be alright.  There is a reason for why things are the way they are.  It can be frustrating as hell, but eventually it does get better.  Even though, at the time, it is annoying as hell to have someone tell you that.  Everyone feels that no one can truly understand the experiences an individual goes through, and in a way that's true.  However, there is always someone out there who has had a similar experience.  And the similarity is what can help you get through.

Anyway, if there is anyone reading this, and if you've looked at any past posts; you may have some idea of just a few of my trials.  And yet, while I sometimes wish things had turned out differently; I am glad that I am where I'm at now.

So now that this ramble is done, I think I will read it through once and publish before I am tempted to change a thing.  This may not be the most coherent bit of writing, but this was really more for me than anyone else.  However, if someone does read it and likes it, then that's cool too.  To all the imaginary readers I have, well, I know things will work out.  That's just the way it is.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wow...It's Been a While

So, to add to the aforementioned statement I want to say that I'm pretty sure no one checks this out anymore, but that's ok.

I'm back in school. I'm pre-med at a private Christian College here in NC. Right now I'm taking a break from Organic Chemistry...my brain hurts. Lol.

Life has been stressful, busy, and I'm extremely exhausted. It seems as if every time I think I might actually get a break, my hopes get torn down.

If for any reason, someone does happen to read this...would you have any suggestions on how I can balance things better? I've a feeling things are a bit off balance. I'm working two part time jobs, am in school full time, and I have responsibilities with my church. I don't ever get just one full day off to play catch up on either homework or sleep and it's really wearing down.

I'm not depressed, though. I'm just really tired and stressed. I'm pretty happy actually, because even though things are tough, I am enjoying myself. I know that someday I will be able to do what I want, I've got some great friends/study buddies, and my family is ever so supportive and awesome.

I have to leave this brief...my studies call me. TTFN.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Late Night at Grant's

So, yeah, that's pretty much where I'm at now. Just hanging with Grant, Lauren, and Jordan. Trying to figure out what the heck we're gonna do tonight now that it's uber late. And listening to Pandora. Good times. There was a pretty heated game of Go Fish between Grant and Lauren earlier. Screaming was involved...F-R-E-A-K-Y. But it's fun. It's nice to have people to just do nothing with. Anywho, there's my update for a while. Laters!